u gotta ask urself:

is being in this relationship what is going to make me happy?

is my new fear of commitment rooted more in my past and does it really have a place in this new relationship? 

im in a really similar situation and i ask myself these things a lot

i don’t have any real reason to assume that this new relationship will be like my last. he is a new person, i know i’ve changed, so the relationship therefore will be different too 

i understand your hesitation and it makes perfect sense when ur heart and vulnerability are on the line.

if u think he will really make u happy and the only reason ur hesitant about pursuing this further is because of ur past relationship n not at all based on him giving u a reason not to pursue the relationship, i say be brave and go for it

ur welcome 💞

First, it’s great that you’ve summoned the courage to be honest with yourself about this because its incredibly hard n difficult to feel this way and to see how it’s effecting the people you care about most. That’s the first step, awareness. 

Second, I’m assuming youre very hard on yourself. Maybe you’re a perfectionist, maybe you’ve set impossible standards for yourself. Maybe you don’t think you’re deserving of love. 

You’ve got to look back and try to remember why your image of yourself changed the way it did

Traditionally I think people often assume this is a self esteem problem but really what could do you more good would be exploring self compassion and developing a tendency to hear yourself out and to extend to yourself the same kind of patience and understanding that you offer to the people you love. 

self confidence and self love are rooted in self compassion 

what is confidence? what is love? 

confidence is giving yourself enough credit, realizing your accomplishments and accepting them at face value. no “but if i did this…….” or “but it could have been better” validate your accomplishments to yourself, u can even do it quietly without anyone knowing. self confidence is having faith in ur abilities and knowing their value. other people’s opinions cant negate or gloss it over because u know them to be true. 

love is patient, love is kind. both things you deserve. and both things u can provide to yourself. 

we dont need to have amazing self esteem or confidence or be masters of self love to be worthy of love. but it’s worth noting that taking care of ourselves in these manners and taking the time to practice these things will only enrich your inner world. they’re worth pursuing off of that alone, the incredible bonus is that that richness will seep into your actions, your relationships, and the rest of your life. 

and the beauty is that there is no end game, there’s no goal post or finish line. there is no competition. it’s in the practice alone that you will get these benefits! 

hope this helps xx

so the episodes are all narrated by famous movie stars right. that’s basically what i based my listening decisions on n i wasn’t steered wrong. 

i love:

the secret to marriage- sandra oh 

when eve and eve bit the apple- rachel weisz

the language of love- soairse ronan 

my back seat view of a great romance- chloe grace mortez 

im obvi in a romantic mood!!! 

my only gripe with this column is that sometimes, esp when it comes to recounts of international traveling n those experiences, it can jus come off very eat pray love n i dont like that but what can u expect from essayists in the new york times. anyways. i love the storytelling overall n i like to take mental notes of their writing styles n what not

lmk if u listen to any of these :-)